Label: SM Entertainment, EMI, Avex
Genre: K-Pop, J-Pop, R&B, Dance, Electro-Pop
Year Debuted: 2008- Present
Fanclub: Shinee World (Shawol for short)
Fan Color: Pearlescent Sky Blue
Name: Lee Jinki
Stage Name: Onew
Position: Leader, Vocal
Birthdate: December 14, 1989
Height: 177 cm.
Onew is a sweet person put into a group of evil people. He deserves some sort of respect as the leader, so we shall spare him any nastiness.
He is undeserving of the hatred bestowed upon him by, not only haters, but Shawols and Shinee as well.
He has done nothing to deserve this treatment. This poor man needs to catch a break once in a while, and we shall deliver this break.
His constant abuse from fellow members must cause him great distress and pain. Yet Shinee doesn’t appreciate him. Or his talents. So, Onew, we, P & B, do issue you an apology, on behalf of the human race.
P & B Scale
Slightly large nose. Good Complexion. Very pronounced apple of the cheeks. Soft jawline, as opposed to most males. Almond shaped, monolid eyes. Overall soft facial features. Definitely not ugly, contrary to popular opinion. Body is proportional for the most part. Fairly toned. Not the best looking for his age, but better than a majority.
Dancing is proficient. Truthfully, Onew has the best singing voice in Shinee. He is a little rough with control, but taking his age into consideration, he is good. Good at everything, but not fantastic at any one thing.
Awkward. But adorkable. He tries. Doesn’t succeed very much, but he tries. Gives a valiant effort.
Name: Kim Jonghyun
Position: Lead Vocalist
Birthdate: April 8, 1990
Height: 173 cm.
Jonghyun is the devil. He is the Lucifer. His singing is the Lucifer. We overall just despise this man. He’s short, he’s mean, and therefore has a Napoleon complex. He is like the tiny raptor in Jurassic Park that chases them into the laboratory and tries to eat them. He is not the biggest dinosaur on the island, but definitely the most annoying.
His singing is God-awful and f*cking horrible (Cussing is never appropriate, but this is a special exception). It’s just bad. During his performance of “Lonely Night” on Immortal Song 2, we wanted to shoot ourselves in the face. Of course my friend, you will have many a lonely night, and your only solace will be Key.
P & B Scale
His nose is disgustingly huge. Not only is his nose large, but his nostrils are excessive. His nose is upturned, and you see all of that excessive nostril. And in stark contrast to Onew, his face is only angles, which is much too harsh. It makes him always look angry. And when he is attempting a smile, or a cheerful expression, it’s creepy. Let’s not forget how short he is. The Peach is taller than him, and she is a 16 year old, half asian girl. So there is no excuse. In short, Jonghyun is the very definition of a troll: Nasty, short and ugly. He hides under bridges. And terrorizes people, like poor Onew.
His vocal control is commendable, though control of his voice is insignificant due to the fact that he sounds like a cat getting raped. We don’t know how many of you people have heard this happen, maybe outside of your house, or to your own cat, but it is offensive. His dancing is average, nothing special. But his eternally angry face makes any attempt at dancing scary.
Technically, his ability to control his voice and range would make him about a 7. But the sound of his voice drastically drops the score.
He’s mean. He’s very mean. You shouldn’t treat people the way he treats people. Especially Onew. Onew is his elder, and the leader. Jonghyun should treat him with respect and dignity. But because of his Napoleon complex, he finds the need to belittle and overall, just piss off, Onew.
Name: Kim Kibum
Stage Name: Key
Position: Vocal, Rap
Birthdate: September 23, 1991
Height: 177 cm.
Key is flaming. The second most flaming man in the world of Korean Entertainment. Jo Kwon is unsurpassable. There is no way either of them are the least bit straight.
Key is one of the many Kim Kibums. However, congrats Key, to this day, you are the only Kim Kibum that has any real effect in the entertainment world. Not to mention the fact that you’re the only one still active in your group.
Key in a nutshell is just fabulous. He sings a very good Kesha. He should just keep doing what…Key does.
P & B Scale
Key looks like a feminine, younger version of Jo Kwon. Almost as if he were Kwon’s little sister. However, he does have one flaw. His eyebrows are awful. And as a gay man, he should be ashamed. His best assets however, are definitely his cheekbones. Very well pronounced; good genes. His body is in good proportion. Overall, we admit Key is attractive, but very feminine.
He’s a better rapper than Minho. Easily. Without any effort. We’re pretty sure everyone on this planet is a better rapper than Minho. However just because he’s better, doesn’t mean he’s fantastic or even remotely good. His singing is subpar. Dancing is passable. His best talent is swaying his hips to “Abracadabra”; it’s sickenin’.
He’s a nag, but who wouldn’t be trapped in a group with 4 kids. He’s in love with Jonghyun, which is obviously some sort of personality defect. Key’s maternal instinct is sensational. Without him, Taemin would probably be dead.
Name: Choi Minho
Position: Rap, Sub-Vocal
Birthdate: December 9, 1991
Height: 184 cm.
Minho is just futile. He doesn’t really do anything in Shinee, except rap badly. We don’t really see how he’s “flaming charisma” either. He’s not stunning, or even remotely good looking. He just looks like Rango.
Other than the obvious, there is not much to say about Minho. He doesn’t matter, and we’re pretty sure that if he wasn’t in Shinee, it would make no difference. Except for the fact that Onew might finally be in a pairing. Introducing: TaeNew.
P & B Scale
Minho is basically ugly. Sorry Shawols, it’s the truth. Everything is so long: His arms, his legs, his fingers. It’s just gross. He’s an alien. Not the sexy kind like T.O.P or Bom, but like Kyuhyun. Weirdly elongated, and kind of awkward.
Unlike the other three aliens, Minho has no talent. What Minho does is not rapping. He is talking (and not even fast, which is an excuse for most), with an autotuned voice. There’s a reason people’s voices are autotuned. And Minho is no exception.
Shawols, netizens, everyone: You all really have to stop praising his rapping. For the sake of Minho, if you really care about him. Pretty soon he’s going to start believing your lies. We weep for Minho; we really do. All the pitiful guy has is his “rapping”, and truth is, it’s awful. Guess this means he has nothing.
His personality is nonexistent. There’s nothing really special about him. He’s good with kids, so I guess that’s a plus? We don’t know. He’s just plain vanilla.
Name: Lee Taemin
Position: Lead Dancer, Maknae
Birthdate: July 18, 1993
Height: 175 cm.
Taemin is a cute little girl. And if you like him, and are older than him, you have pedophilia.
He…is kind of a she. But a cute she. Taemin just shoots out estrogen. There’s not one testosterone producing cell in his body. It’s not his fault, and we are not bad mouthing it; it’s a medical condition after all.
He’s really innocent and naive. His love for banana milk (which is delicious!), ice cream and “Lasco*”say it all.
If you looked up “Perfect Maknae” in the dictionary, you’d find Taemin. He’s cute, young, respectful and knows how to use his “aegyo*” effectively. Too bad Shinee doesn’t appreciate his efforts. It seems all they do is bully him, when they’re not harassing Onew. Don’t worry Taemin, we know tons of groups that would want you all to themselves.
P & B Scale
Taemin is the prettiest little girl in K-Pop. He has a cute nose. His features are very soft and round, and make his face look very feminine. It’s not his fault his face looks this way, but it’s his hairstylist’s fault he looks even more feminine than he should. His only flaw as “the perfect maknae” is that he’s a bit too tall. But his fans like that, so it’s okay.
Talent: SC 9.2
He is a dancer. He’s not one of the absolute greatest, but definitely one of the best for his age. Over the years, Taemin has improved, and we hope he will continue to build his abilities.
The perfect maknae personality. He’s adorable, childish and you just want to be maternal towards him. Key cannot be blamed.
Overall Shinee: 6.4
Shinee to us just seems like a TVXQ replacement. But a bad knock-off. Like a Chinese pikachu doll. Not successful and it’s just wrong.
They’re too young. They had it way too easy.
Unlike their predecessors, they did not have to share a 1,000 square foot apartment with 20 other men. They did not starve and were not forced to sleep on the floor because of the lack of beds. They endured nothing, have felt no pain, and this has just created a spoiled group (Which is why they abuse Onew). Their souls and dreams were not broken by the iron fist that is SM Entertainment. They were not made thankful for their presence in the world of K-Pop. Because Shinee did not have to go through half a decade of intense, bone-crushing training, they don’t appreciate how easy their path to stardom has been.
Shinee is given catchy songs by the maker of all catchy songs, and this explains their popularity. Without SM’s vast resources, they would be nothing more than the average, unpopular boyband.
* Korean Aegyo: “Generally pleasing and engaging, often because of a childlike charm and innocence” – Merriam Webster Dictionary
* Lasco @58: